


Excuse Me, What?

by FairyNiamh



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe - Crack, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, Meet the Family, Not Beta Read, Sorry Not Sorry, Trope Bingo Round 9, crack and humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-04
Updated: 2017-08-04
Packaged: 2018-12-11 05:58:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11708244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FairyNiamh/pseuds/FairyNiamh
Summary: Dean did not expect this, not in a million years.





	Excuse Me, What?

**Author's Note:**

> Do you get the feeling that his might be crack? There is mention of bestiality and drunkenness.

Dean sat in the cabin, blinking and wondering where the hell his life went wrong.

"What do you mean he's dead?"

"He died a few years ago, sorry. Is... is there something I could help you with?" he asked warily. This was probably going to go down as the weirdest day he has ever had, and he's had some whoppers!

"Who are you?"

"I'm his eldest son, Dean," he confessed.

"I have a brother?" was asked weakly by the...

"Brother? Sorry, I'm a little lost here. I don't know your name or how you even found me," an agitated asked. Mostly because he did not like what this thing was implying.

"Sorry. My name is Bob, Bob Brown. I have been searching high and low for my birth father after Mamma Bear was killed by redneck hunters. I finally had to turn to Sister Lovely Meat-cutter..."

"Sister Lovely Meat-cutter?" he questioned in disbelief. 

Bob nodded before continuing, "He's not really a nun. He's an addict."

He had a baaad feeling about this. "And he is addicted to?"

"Catnip," was the extremely blunt reply.

"Of course, Catnip. So, it's safe to assume he is a cat?" He wasn't crazy, he hoped. Maybe this was the demons plan all along. To drive him insane.

"Right again. He is a jaguar, who has a serious catnip problem, and wears a habit. He is a bit crazy, but his information is always solid and reliable," Bob explained.

"So, who said my dad, was your dad?" This is where everything was kind of... fuzzy.

"Mamma Bear. She explained how she used to work in a bar. She was the entertainment. Lucinda, the Amazing Dancing Bear. The patrons loved her, but they had all stayed away from her out of fear and respect. Dad was drunk, he walked right up to her and smacked her on her ass and asked her for a quick fuck," Bob shuddered as he told the tale.

Dean hung his head. As bad as it sounded... it also sounded a lot like a stunt his old man would pull. "Sweet Merciful Impala."

"I know, right? She said if she had not been in season and desperate for a cub, she would have ripped his head off. She was though and decided to, 'Ride him like an antelope.' Which was more than I ever wanted to know about Mamma Bear's sex life. Anyway, 230 days later and I was born."

"Who named you?"

"The Bar owner, Bob. He also taught me to read and talk. He made me promise to never speak around strangers, because they would try to take me away. Mom couldn't speak human, but bear was my first language. She named me RRRAARRRR," he roared.

Dean sighed and smiled tightly, "An honorable name. You have two other brothers."

"I do?" he asked excitedly.

"Yeah, Adam, but he died before even I had a chance to meet him and Sammy. Sammy is nearly as tall as you are?" Dean admitted.

"So, dad slept around a lot? Is Sammy a bear too?" Bob wondered aloud.

"No, he's just a giant. He should be home tomorrow or the next day. If you need a place to stay..." he offered his... brother.

"Thanks, but I have this nice cave next to a steam not too far from here. I'll try to come by tomorrow, but I will definitely return the day after tomorrow. I'm looking forward to meeting Sammy. It's been a pleasure, Dean," Bob said before pulling the smaller man into a hugs.

"Yup," was the only thing he managed to breathe out. Once he was released, he took several deep breaths as he watched Bob leave. He debated on calling and telling Sam, but no one would believe him. Seeing is believing, and once he met Bob... he would want as much alcohol as he could find.

Right now, Dean was getting one of the bottles of Glen Grant they had found and getting stinking drunk.

How in the hell had his old man managed to get a bear pregnant. Whatever, he was getting a headache just thinking about it. Sam could figure it out if he wanted to.

'Cheers and thanks dad,' the thought as he popped the cork on the bottle of whiskey. Time to try to forget for a bit.

~Fin~

**Author's Note:**

> Yup, it was crack. A Prompt Generator gave me the Prompt: _You meet your half brother. The Catch? He's a bear raised by an addicted Jaguar._ I could only think, 'Well, why the fuck not.'


End file.
